Baby, we need to talk…

Of the many difficult conversations you’ve had to have, this one takes the cake. How do you tell your man you’re not satisfied in bed?

Take Cindy, who didn’t know how to tell her partner Paul how unfulfilled she was with their sexual relationship. Paul suffered from a lack of control, a medical condition commonly known as premature ejaculation (PE).

At first, Cindy’s efforts at broaching the delicate subject were less than skillful.

“Sex with you just isn’t fun. It just isn’t satisfying to me,” a frustrated Cindy complained to Paul. “There is supposed to be beginning, a middle, and an end. With you, nothing happens.”

That did nothing to open up a constructive dialogue. Then Cindy did her homework and began to understand. She learned that Paul’s problem is all too common among many couples, and that treatment is available.

  • Know what you’re dealing with
    The most common sexual dysfunction in PE. Up to 1 in 3 men suffer from it but not everyone knows what it is and often times PE is mistaken for erectile dysfunction (ED). ED is a condition where a man cannot achieve or maintain an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse. But those with PE have no problems getting an erection suitable for sexual intercourse. PE sufferers only have problems controlling ejaculation during intercourse. PE is also more prevalent than ED – the former is common among men of all ages, while the latter generally affects older men.Still confused? Ask your man to take a quick quiz. The Premature Ejaculation Diagnostic Tool (PEDT) is a short questionnaire that will be able to determine if he has PE.
  • Express how this affects both of you not just him
    Premature ejaculation affects both the man and his partner. Most men experience personal distress because they find it difficult to control ejaculation. And here’s an alarming statistic: Only 38% of partners of men with PE are sexually satisfied, compared to 90% of partners of men without PE.The anxiety and frustration in the bedroom caused by PE leads to many avoiding sex completely. And some believe that PE could lead to actual relationship breakdown or divorce.
  • Offer solutions
    Instead of just pointing out the problem, offer solutions. Premature ejaculation can be treated. And many have benefitted from treatment. The challenge is in getting diagnosed and the willingness to get help. There are various behavioural techniques that will help improve control. And there is now approved medication for PE. Getting diagnosed and seeking treatment can significantly improve quality of life and sexual satisfaction for you and your partner.Cindy had the right instincts in wanting to raise the subject. Paul suffered from the most common sexual dysfunction among men, one that more and more men are talking about with their doctors and receiving successful treatment for. She just needed a more skillful approach to opening up a dialogue, armed with the facts. After all, partners play an important role in supporting and encouraging their partners suffering from PE.

Talk openly and honestly about improving your relationship and embark on a learning journey together. Stronger communication between couples can only lead to more intimate and stable relationships.