6 things standing in the way of great sex

Eric and Samantha are a young married couple living with her family in a tiny Hong Kong apartment. They are happy to belong to a big, proud family of three generations living relatively harmoniously in a city they love.

But there is one problem: they have no time to themselves. Something or someone always interrupts the possibility of a quiet conversation, an intimate dinner, a tender moment. And in those rare times when they do get some time to themselves, it never seems to measure up to those saucy scenes in movies.

Does that sound familiar? Are you and your partner facing problems in the bedroom?

Sexual satisfaction matters in a lasting, healthy relationship. One of the biggest ever surveys into sexual satisfaction in Asia-Pacific underscored the importance of mutual sexual satisfaction in a successful relationship. Two in three believe that mutual sexual satisfaction plays an extremely important role in a successful relationship. And they’re right. Being unsatisfied in the bedroom could spill over to your relationship and eventually your personal and professional lives too.

From time to time most of us suffer from one problem or another in the bedroom. Some of these problems can be temporary and resolve themselves without too much trouble. Others can be more serious and can have a long-term, damaging effect on relationships.

Some of the things that stand in the way of a sexually fulfilling relationship:

  1. Tight living spaces. Like Eric and Samantha, many people in Asia live with family, often multiple generations under one roof. While Eric and Samantha hope to save enough money for a place of their own, getting time away from the family is important. A night or a weekend away are among the ways they can steal some alone time.
  2. Anxieties about appearance. Forget the six pack abs and the toned biceps you see in magazines and movies. The majority of people in the real world don’t look like that and you shouldn’t feel like need to match up to models and movie stars. These anxieties about appearance do play a part in ruining the mood in the bedroom. The more confidence you have about how you look, the more confidence you’ll have in the bedroom.
  3. Busy schedules. In today’s world we see busy, hectic lifestyles, work, family and other commitments being prioritized over sexual fulfillment in relationships. That, along with a common misconception that sexual fulfillment is not – or should not be — a priority are some social factors that impede a satisfying sexual relationship. Sure, we’re all busy. So do what you do with everything else: schedule time for sex. The one thing more unsexy than scheduling a sex session with your partner is not having sex at all.
  4. Stress at work. Financial problems, office politics, and other worries gnaw at the mind. It’s easy to turn to food or alcohol or other substances for comfort when you are stressed, but healthy stress-management tools include regular exercise, a good diet, and healthy sexual activity. Sex burns calories and makes you feel good in addition to relieving stress.
  5. Children are more important than my own sex life. You’re a good parent. You love your children and want to spend as much time with them as possible. But it’s important not to neglect your marriage – you don’t want to grow distant from your significant other, nor would your children want that to happen. Schedule a “date night” away from the kids – once a week, once a month, whatever is possible – so the two of you can remember why you got together in the first place. Trust me, the kids will be fine.
  6. Sexual dysfunction. Let’s get real – sometimes the thing standing in the way of great sex is no sex. Premature ejaculation(PE) is the most common sexual dysfunction in men and is characterised by difficulty in controlling ejaculation. Many men with PE avoid sex just because they’re too embarrassed to talk about it. The good news is that’s its common and there’s treatment. That’s all you need to know. Take the Premature Ejaculation Diagnostic Tool (PEDT) if you suspect you might have PE and seek help now. There’s no time to waste!

Often in Asia, an appreciation of a healthy sex life or the desire to improve frequency of sex is seen as being linked to promiscuity. But let’s face it, the better your sex life, the more intimate you will be with your partner. And that is the basis of healthy relationships and a good quality of life. Talk to your partner today and add some spice to that otherwise bland relationship. Good luck.